Drama..presents...

*This is a repost from my other blog. Yeah.. my other blog is pretty melodramatic. I have no compelling feeling.. nothing at all.. to put you all into that. This was written sometime March this year.. reading it makes me feel proud of myself. And a bit of an idiot and self centered too.

Read on. Its pretty boring.. but I guess you get the picture.

so.. are you worth it?

Why do people always want to be a part of something forbidden? Is it a choice? Is it the thrill of the chase? The euphoric feeling that you touched something untouchable. That you took part on why someone's life is miserable. You are a part of the mess. The kind of mess that feels good. The one that uplifts your ego, you feel so damn happy that someone chose you over someone. You tell your friends about it and they were all staring at you in awe. Hey, I won. I'm an exquisite human being, you tell yourself every 2 seconds while you take that long walk home.

so after winning whats the next fucking thing to do? the thrill is not there anymore. The chase was over. Where do human beings go from here? I know some people who walked away from it.. i know others who stayed for the most stupid reasons. Is it an evil side of what we call human nature? i see it happening even to the clergy and the reserved. Do we always have to act on it? Or are we just some part of the fucked up cycle where God plays absolute and we are his pathetic little guinea pigs? At the end of the day, whats in there? Do we feel fullfilled? Or we wake up and say to ourselves..'hey, things just happened.. "

so are you worth it? Coz I'm betraying someone else's trust right now. My close friend. The friend that was always there when I had no one. She cries most of the time because of you and I sat there listening and comforting her.. while I linger on the thought that we might be together soon. So.. did you tell her yet? The girl you said was great.. the one that you've been with for a couple of years? Do you think I'm worth it.. when you claimed that everything's perfect for the two of you.

Who's going to walk away first? Is it you or me? Because I don't know how. i know I'm better off without you.. and I have a feeling that we're thinking of the same thing. Its such a dreadful feeling to decide because in the scenario that we're in.. its a choice between you, my friend and myself. i know I can cure myself when I get hurt.. I can always move on. I think you're great.. but I love her. And you know I can offer so much more..its just that you caught me in a really bad time. I'm sorry. I really am. i can't stay on this mess any longer. Its just not worth it. We're not worth it.

Posted by -:- Ice Queen -:- at 1:46:00 PM 0 comments

"Those who want to live, let them fight, and those who do not want to fight in this world of eternal struggle do not deserve to live."

-Adolf Hitler, German Head of State and Supreme Commander

"Man, I see in fight club the strongest and smartest men who've ever lived. I see all this potential, and I see squandering. God damn it, an entire generation pumping gas, waiting tables; slaves with white collars. Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need. We're the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War's a spiritual war... our Great Depression is our lives. We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won't. And we're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off."

- Tyler Durden, Fight Club

*photo courtesy of Google Search

Strait Greene

I woke up early today for work. Unusual. I stayed up late last night and the night before watching Entourage.. ok.. don't raise your brows. The only thing why I watched the complete season... ADRIAN GREENE. He looks like Benicio del Toro. The next big thing, I hope. I love Del Toro since the day I laid eyes on him in Excess Baggage. And he's one decent actor!!And Greene.. can you guys still remember..ummm.. whats that teenage flick again?? ermmm... DRIVE ME CRAZY? (he's of course, with that Sabrina chick, I can't remember her name tho. But she's that witch chick with a lazy eye in real life.)Ok..still don't have any idea who is A? He's the guy in the Devil Wears Prada. Yup! He's Ella Enchanted's american boyfriend in that flick. Yeah.. he's the epitome of the word HOT... because I'd still say that Steven Strait is SMOKIN' HOT!!!(Ok, this is me when I'm bored: I gawk at pretty boys.)

if just in case.. you guys don't have any idea who the hell is Steven Strait....he's that guy in THE COVENANT. Yup.. he's the leader of the witch pack. I think his name was Caleb. Anways, he's also that long hair guy in.. what's that movie again?? SKYHIGH?

Anyways.. shouldn't be blogging.. I'm still at work. Hahahha.

tell you more when I get home.

Katatapos ko lang basahin yung baging libro ni Bob Ong, MACARTHUR. Tumawa... na tats (touch) at tumawa ako habang binabasa ko yun. Wala lang.. gusto ko lang sabihin.. pero hindi talaga yun ang dahilan kung bakit dalawa ang blog entry ko ngayong araw na to. Matagal ko rin natapos yung sinusulat kong blog sa opisina kanina.. kasi sympre maraming bumibisita sa cubicle ko.. eh... kelangan kong magpanggap na busy ako.. pero ang totoo.. pumepetiks lang talaga ako eh. Taena... hassle naman kasi sa opisina! Biruin mong tinanggal na nila yung access namin sa TRILLIAN, alam nyo ba yun?? (yun yung chat application na pede mong ma i-load yung contacts mo sa AIM, yahoo, ICQ, MSN at IRC) So since tinanggal na nila yun.. sinusubukan kong ibalik! pero taena.. ayaw gumana. Hindi ko tuloy nakausap yung mga prens ko sa yahoo.. eh pag uuwi na kasi ako sa bahay.. naka log out na mga yun dahil gabi na sa states. HASSLE! AIM lang ang pinapagamit sa min ngayon.. eh sino naman ang kakausapin ko dun? Boss ko? Eh di nahalata pa na wala akong ginagawa.

Halos araw-araw na rin akong bumibili ng pirated DVDs dun sa isang rep ng officemate ko. Hindi ko alam kung bakit. Pero baka bored ako. O bka kasi nagagandahan ako dun sa mga cover. Pero ang totoo?? Overpriced! 75 pesos, man! Ayan naman kasi ang hirap sa mga tao ngayon.. akala nila.. dahil sa callcenter nagta trabaho.. malaki na ang kita. Well, totoo naman ng konti lang.. pero man! Hindi naman ibig sabihin nun na hindi kami namamahalan sa mga bilihin ngayon no! Ang baba na ng dolyar pero tumataas ang gasolina. Kamusta naman? Sabi nga ng mga manyakis kong rep.. panty na lang daw ang bumababa ngayon! Minsan tinataas pa raw. Eh putangina.. ampapanget naman kasi nila. Libre na nga.. ngipar pa... Haaaaay.. lubayan nyo ko.. mga MAAAANSTERRRRR!!

Tapos hindi rin ako masyadong nag a update ng blog kasi nagbabasa ako. Natapos ko na yung Twilight series.. (I'm a sucker for the dark side.) Eh taena.. supot naman mga bampira dun! Saan ka naman nakakita ng bampira na na inlove sa tao? Taena.. kung bampira ako.. sinipsip ko na dugo nun. Siguro appealing yun sa mga teenagers pero pag mga nasa edad 25 pataas ka na.. matatawa ka na lang. OO, medyo nasayang nga yung pera ko. Eto pa.. meron din palang werewolf na nainlab dun sa bidang babae.. taena naman. Pati ba naman werewolf? Sana dinagdag nya na rin si Freddy Krueger para mas compelling di ba? Wow.. ang theme pa nung ibang scenes dun parang sa Wuthering Heights lang.. ang saya saya talaga. Matutuwa pati si Jollibee. Putangina. Sana binili ko na lang pala yung libro nung anak ni Anne Rule tungkol sa paranormal research. Kung natakot ako.. nasiyahan pa sana ako. O kaya.. sana naglaro na lang ako ng Harvest Moon.

May nagsabi rin pala sa ken sa office na ang taray taray ko raw. Eh ano naman ngayon? Kelangan ko bang ngumiti sa lahat ng tao na para lang sila ang nagbabayad ng Meralco ko? Sino ba naman ang hindi magtataray? Isang araw lang akong nag leave.. sunod sunod na ang absent sa team ko. Ngayon ko lang naisip.. ang mga reps ko.. kung hindi aabsent dahil nagtatae.. aabsent dahil nilalagnat.. pero pag nakita mo kinabukasan.. ang bilis umakyat ng hagdanan dahil male late na. Yung mga malulusog naman.. may mga sakitin na nanay at tatay kaya umaabsent din ng madalas. Leche naman oh. Hindi na ba to matatapos?? Pakshet.

Lame Entry.

I know.. I shouldn't update my blog when I'm at work. But then again... I'm bored as hell. Plus, I have authority issues. unauthorized blogging, is just tempting.

I checked on Anne Rice's web today... and boy.. I was just flabbergasted. i just feel that my favorite author in the world is on her breaking point. She decides to write about the life and works of Jesus Christ. Well, knowing Anne.. I know its not impossible to write stuff about JC, since she was raised in a devout catholic community.. I guess that her greatest influence in writing her exquisite masterpieces such as the Vampire Chronicles (Lestat, will always be my favorite vampire, compared to the wussy vampire of Stephenie Meyer's Twilight series, Edward Cullen.. now don't get me wrong on this one.. I still think that he's strikingly handsome and passionate and I guess I shouldn't be comparing Anne Rice's works with the latter because her dominant characters shadow such personalities from the classics like E. Bronte's Wuthering Heights and W. Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet.. bits and pieces of Jane Austen's works like Pride and Prejudice and Sense and Sensibility) came from her late husband the poet, Stan Rice. Now don't get me wrong, gooooooshh.. did I make it sound like writing about JC is a bad idea?? Sorry.. thats far from the point. I did read chapter 1 of CHRIST OUT OF EGPYT and I think that its a pretty good novel. I would comment on this book right after I read it this coming winter.

But Anne Rice?? Not writing about vampires and witches?? Who are we kidding here? 'Em i being blasphemous? There has to be a reason in this.. like some sort of a twisted conspiracy theory. Did she decide to re invent her faith after the death of her atheist husband? Maybe.. or maybe its just one hell of expressing that she's in the brink of losing it all. No.. I'm not going to judge Anne. But hell, there's got to be some middle ground!

But whatever the reason is...

I'm definitely not going to haul her over to the coals.

Things at work have been pretty exhausting. J and I agreed that this has been the most intoxicating week from the previous months that passed. Thank God, the interview for the Indemnity ramp was over. I really don't have any notion where would I be if the people that I interrogated didn't show up for their J.Os. Gosh, I really need a vacation. Somewhere rainy and cold. All alone while reading a scary book somewhere far away from civilization, curled under a bloody red sheet of the most perfect king size bed made of mahogany, surrounded by the pitch black of nothingness with only the yellow inviting light emanating from my lampshade as the rain starts to pour just outside my half closed window.. with a beautiful vampire silently watching me from afar.. lurking in the shadow.. waiting.. his incandescent eyes patiently surveying my wholeness.. waiting for the perfect time to strike..to hold me in his cold arms.. to feel my warm cheeks against his broad muscular shoulder.. as he gently whispers in my ears.. "This is what you've been longing. There is no heaven or hell. Just you and me. Be still, my love.. this is damnation. This is my world." JUST PERFECT.

But I'm not going to be a vampire anytime soon.. so this means I'm going to hit the sack before 10am for I have a long and tiring day ahead of me. Gosh, my life sucks. Another day wasted..

But then again...

Immortality awaits...

Just around the corner. ☺

Been procrastinating in a while. I have the pc inside my room.. but really... its just one of those days that I feel like there's really nothing to write. If I could.. I will call in sick today but I was thinking of the people who are depending on me in my work.. so I went in anyway, I didn't reason.. in a way.. i just felt that I'm compelled to go because of the responsibilities. Gosh, its really overwhelming. Sometimes it can get to your head.. and the rest is history.

I don't even charge my cellphone nor my IPOD. They stayed in my bag.. useless for the moment.

I stayed in my room the whole week.. watching.. almost anything. I honestly don't know what I've been watching these past days.. all I know was that I was staring at the tube.. lost in nothingness.. my eyes cold and blank. Thinking of nothing really. Maybe, I've lost it....

Thinking.. of maybe... why... why do I have to be in this plain? My life is nothing extra ordinary... I'm so low in the foodchain.
---
This never happened. I hate you. I'm not going to mop around anymore. You never happened to me.

I really wish.. I'm making sense right now. But I'm not...

Work is killing me.. argh.