*This is a repost from my other blog. Yeah.. my other blog is pretty melodramatic. I have no compelling feeling.. nothing at all.. to put you all into that. This was written sometime March this year.. reading it makes me feel proud of myself. And a bit of an idiot and self centered too.
Read on. Its pretty boring.. but I guess you get the picture.
so.. are you worth it?
Why do people always want to be a part of something forbidden? Is it a choice? Is it the thrill of the chase? The euphoric feeling that you touched something untouchable. That you took part on why someone's life is miserable. You are a part of the mess. The kind of mess that feels good. The one that uplifts your ego, you feel so damn happy that someone chose you over someone. You tell your friends about it and they were all staring at you in awe. Hey, I won. I'm an exquisite human being, you tell yourself every 2 seconds while you take that long walk home.
so after winning whats the next fucking thing to do? the thrill is not there anymore. The chase was over. Where do human beings go from here? I know some people who walked away from it.. i know others who stayed for the most stupid reasons. Is it an evil side of what we call human nature? i see it happening even to the clergy and the reserved. Do we always have to act on it? Or are we just some part of the fucked up cycle where God plays absolute and we are his pathetic little guinea pigs? At the end of the day, whats in there? Do we feel fullfilled? Or we wake up and say to ourselves..'hey, things just happened.. "
so are you worth it? Coz I'm betraying someone else's trust right now. My close friend. The friend that was always there when I had no one. She cries most of the time because of you and I sat there listening and comforting her.. while I linger on the thought that we might be together soon. So.. did you tell her yet? The girl you said was great.. the one that you've been with for a couple of years? Do you think I'm worth it.. when you claimed that everything's perfect for the two of you.
Who's going to walk away first? Is it you or me? Because I don't know how. i know I'm better off without you.. and I have a feeling that we're thinking of the same thing. Its such a dreadful feeling to decide because in the scenario that we're in.. its a choice between you, my friend and myself. i know I can cure myself when I get hurt.. I can always move on. I think you're great.. but I love her. And you know I can offer so much more..its just that you caught me in a really bad time. I'm sorry. I really am. i can't stay on this mess any longer. Its just not worth it. We're not worth it.
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