The taglish angry post..

I was supposed to be blogging on how emotional things brought an intense atmosphere at work today. There was a massive lay-off of higher positions that the company claimed useless and expensive. At some point, the management is telling the truth.. I was sad because I had hear and see people exiting out of the building. Some of these people are my friends. But to tell you honestly, I really believe my boss when he said that we are not bankrupt. The company is making lots of money but not enough to meet the committed goal each year because of the positions that we don't really need. I'm telling you.. I was bouncing on and off the floor today. Yup, I'm still the OIC... and yup.. I'm still in charge of a hundred people plus 10 Team Leads. I know.. go figure.

Anyway.. the reason why this blog entry veered into another topic was because of the background music in my blog. My ultimate hearthrob crush said that this is HIS song to me.. pero teka lang.. hindi pa rin siya ang pag uusapan naten dito....

But the guy who almost beat me into submission of being the GIRL ON THE SIDE. I dated this guy last summer (this was when my relationship with A was in complete hiatus) and because a friend of mine was so hooked on Grey's Anatomy at that point of time.. we called this guy MCWAKEY. And because I'm a real son of a corny bitch, I told him that. (E will probably kill me if she learns this). But anyway, I had a crush on MW for the longest period of time but I was trying to dodge the subject because a friend of mine has a HUUUUUUUUUGE crush on him. He's suplado and the quiet type but to tell you honesty although he's such an indecisive son of a bitch, this guy is really nice plus the killer smile. So blah.. blah.. blah.. After maybe a year of having a crush on him, sa kung anong hiwaga meron ang lola mo.. he finally asked me out. Hindi naman to yung eksena sa pocketbooks na hindi nya alam na nabubuhay ako sa mundo..nag uusap naman kami ng HI at HELLO at Kamusta ka na? paminsan. And sometimes when I'm on a flirt mode, I usually shoot him an IM and he usually replies with a BABE.. pero sa totoo lang ako naman talaga yung unang nagpakana ng BABE na yan. Kadiri ako.. alam ko.

He has a gf then but he left the girl.. I was hoping that I'm not the reason because I know it will pull me down if he gets back with her. The time that we were dating, he was not with the GF anymore. I know. I just know...But he told me that if given the chance that they will talk upfront and the girl will start to cry.. he might just give in because according to him.. he's weak. (Weak daw ampotah... ang laki laki mo na mahina ka pa rin. Letse ka.) Hindi ko na sasabihin ang ending nito dahil kung matalino ka eh.. alam mo namang nagkabalikan sila. OO. kasi sympre ang buhay ay parang telenobela lang di ba? May magiging masaya, may uuwing luhaan at may naloloka at nagmumultong parang yung stepsister ni Barbara lang. Pero wala naman akong balak dalin ang poot na ito sa kabilang buhay.. ang points (plural) ko lang:

1. Baket kelangan madamay ako sa ka-dramahan ng buhay nya?
2. Baket naniwala ako na hindi siya masaya sa gf nya? Tanga ba ko? Isulat ang sagot sa isang buong kokongban paper.
3. Baket delayed reaction ako? Ang tagal nang nangyari neto ah.. pero ngayon lang ako nagagalet. Abnoy ba ko? Manuod ng I AM SAM at ihalintulad ang sarili kay SAM.
4. Baket ako naawa at naghintay ng mga 2 buwan at nagbaka sakaling magbabago ang isip nya at ako ang pipiliin bandang huli ? Gago ba ko?
5. Baket ako naniwala na hindi nya mahal ang gf nya sa kabila ng hindi nya pagpili sa ken? Timang ba ako?

Pero alam nyo ba ang mga gunggong na lalake na yan.. minsan pag napag tripan nilang mang-gago ng babae.. eh talagang HARDCORE silang mag drama. Eh potah.. muntik na akong maniwala dun eh. Habang binabasa ko ang chat log namen ay talaga namang gusto kong gilitan ng ulo ang sarili ko.. pero naisip ko masakit yun eh.Kaya next time na lang kapag may matalas na blade dito sa loob ng kwarto. Inamin ko naman sa kanya na talagang minahal ko sya.. pero sa totoo lang sinabi ko lang yun para ako ang piliin nya. Buti na lang nga hindi ako yung pinili nya kasi nung nakita ko sya ngayon.. parang naisip ko.. shet.. sa paanong paraan naman ako nabighani sa malaking polar bear na ito? Hindi ko alam kung yung paghihiwalay namen ay nagdulot ng depression kaya lumaki sya ng ganun.. o talagang masaya lang sya sa GF nya. Pero kung ano pa man yun.. sana ok sila.

Hindi naman ako galet sa kanya. Mas galet ako sa sarili ko. Sa kadahilanang hindi ko maipaliwanag. Baka nga kasi abnoy ako. Isang taon na tong nangyari pagkatapos ngayon ko lang naisip na..

POTASHET, parang ginawa nya akong tanga ah!

the break out.

Since I was a kid, I have always wanted to go out during the Lenten Season. If you grow up in a family of really closed catholics, I bet you know where I'm coming from. Yup.. we are not allowed to even watch MTV on a Good Friday. Ponder that. And here's the worst thing... in my almost 27 years of existence.. I have never gone out to the beach or out of town during the Lenten Season. Not that I don't have a chance.. I have all the chance in the world.. but I feel so fucken guilty doing it. Man, I tell you Lenten Season in this house seems like spending summer in boot camp.

There are times that I hated why I was born in this family. I loathed my mum at times for being always there.. on my back. I hated that they are restricting me on the things that I wanted to do.. for dictating my life. And i hated the fact that I'm broke at times because I need to support them somehow. This is not what I wanted to do. Call it selfish or maybe evil.. but its really not my responsibility. Its not like my parents are always asking for support.. they don't... worst thing is that they don't really ask directly. Its more like they're gonna make my day really dramatic.. following me around or sitting beside my bed.. with a sad face on their faces.. asking me how my day went and how much they are having a difficulty trying to meet ends. Why can they just ask fucking directly.. I'd appreciate skipping the drama and some of the guilt trip parts. Why did they marry each other in the first place without a penny in their pockets? How come most parents save for their own future and for their kids' future??? Did my parents marry each other because they were madly in love??

So I guess now they know.... its not love that makes the world go round. Its the DOUGH.

I stayed the whole weekend at the house. A slept over so I didn't do anything, pretty much. We just stayed watching GHOST WHISPERER and TERMINATOR: The Sarah Connor Chronicles. When I was still in Libis, a friend once suggested that Ghost Whisperer is pretty scary and intense. I believed him, I mean.. the title speaks for the series. How scary can it get right? I never get to watch the show until now.. and I want to hunt my friend and slapped him hard on the face. What the heck?!! Freaking show is so full of drama! I swear to God. Melodramatic ghosts that had issues when they were still living until they died and became earthbound spirits. Ghosts with unfinished business... eh taena ang drama drama kaya. Naiyak ako dun sa pilot episode. Kasi andun ang crush kong si Michael Scofield!!! Sa totoo lang huh.. kung may multong umaaligid sa yo nang ganun kagwapo.. aba eh.. baket mo pa tutulungan para mag cross over di ba? Stay a while muna.. usap usap over coffee.. getting to know each other.. watch movie together.. mga ganun ba.

There's something common between me and the lead character in that series. Of course, not the ability to communicate with the dead. Haller! Gudlak naman. Its not her gift but the man in our lives. She has a guy who understands and loves her so much. Sobrang head over heels. And thats how A is with me. He supports me all the time kahit na sobrang stubborn ko. He holds my hand when I'm scared.. he tucks me in to bed.... he drives me into the office even when he's dead tired.. he picks me up the next day even if he didn't get enough sleep the night before.. he puts up with my craziness... he always calms me when I'm mad..Taena naman netong Ghost Whisperer na to oh.. ayan ang drama drama ko na ngayon.

Iniisip ko talaga kung lalagyan ko pa ng ganito yung volks ko. Siguro pede yung maliit lang... nakakatakot kasi pag malaki eh.. baka biglang lumipad.

Haaaaaaaay... matagal pa siguro matatapos tong project na to. Wala akong oras.. at ang hirap mag ipon.
Pero sa totoo lang.. iba ang pakiramdam pag nakita mo na gumaganda yung pinaghihirapan mo... Sana ma promote na ko para maayos ko na to ng mabilis!!

Para sa susunod.. MINI COOPER naman... tapos....
tapos... CAMARO... tapos.. tapos.. MACH1... tapos 'Stang... Taena.. Sarap mangarap! Pero baket ba!!! Nakabili nga ako ng volks sa sarili kong pera at napaganda ko.. Camaro pa kaya??? Hintay ka lang.. PIMP MY RIDE ITO!

Update.

I wish I can roll over with laughter like most reps on a Friday. But I don't. I can't. I wanted to... but I can't. Don't ask. I'll tell you why.. I have been going to the Acupuncturist for the last 4 days. Yep. Thin little devils of a needle. i myself find it really hard to believe the comfortable peaceful calm feeling of this ancient process of healing. But come to think of it, really, there are practitioners in the US who call us everyday to check if our insurance covers acupuncture for pain management. whoa... here I go again.. this blog entry is not about acupuncture and the healing stuff.. its about me going to the acupuncturist because I have been friggin stressed for the last few days. I've been sleeping 6 hours straight in a day. My skin is dehydrated. My back aches. My eyes are blurry. Yep.. I am officially in charge of the whole production in Cubao because my boss will not be coming to work for the rest of the week.. or who knows maybe for the next 2 months. I wish she'll get better and I've been praying for the baby. Nothing serious really but threatened pre mature labor freaks me out especially if the person suffering is a close friend of mine.

I'm stressed but I'm thankful for the opportunity to lead such competent individuals. I see this opportunity as a challenge to hone my skills as an effective leader and employee. I am thankful that they trusted me to lead 126 people. I'm grateful for the chance. Its real hard...HARDCORE. I've accomplished a lot for the last 4 weeks and to be perfectly honest.. I am real proud of myself. Plus I get to talk to Thad. There.. I name dropped. I've been seeing this guy in the workplace for the last few months and I really have a big crush on this guy, But he doesn't know of my existence until Tuesday morning. I received an email from my boss to communicate with a certain Thad who needs help in coordinating with the people that we will be sending for interview.. since our workplace is swarming with Americans.. I thought Thad was just another American boss. The first conversation had character and we were laughing in cyberspace, I really don't have any idea what he looks like. Until a friend pointed him out to me in the crowd.. and I swear to God, my heart fell from where I was standing. This was the guy that I've been longing to know the name since day 1. And to top it all off, he was freakin pleasant and nice during our chat moments.. (Hyuuuuuuuckz!Ang high school nito promise!) And he spells my name correctly.. like..

Thad: Thank you for the help, Kellie.
DQ: You're welcome, Thad.
Thad: You rock. Shoot me an IM tomorrow?
DQ: Sure. I'll let you know. Thanks thanks Thad!
Thad: Thanks thanks Kellie! :) <----- (putaena, nakita nyo ba? smiley!! May smiley yung message nya!)

I wish I have the courage to come up to him in person and say: Hi, Thad! I'm Kellie. But I bet I'll be collapsing at the first sight of him walking near me. Hyuckkkkkkkkz.. I'm really not like this. But to give you an idea? Thad looks like ...freaking WENTWORTH MILLER of Prison Break. Si MICHAEL SCOFIELD!!! Yeah, I know.. Go figure.

Laughtrip to.

After Shift.. usapang lasing sa McDO Araneta.

Kaloiski: Ang galeng parehas tayong Gemini!
DQ: Huwaaaaaaaw.. Talaga?
Chop: Ako Taurus!
Kaloiski: Ka-birthday mo yung bestfriend kong lalake!
DQ: Huwaaaaaw.. eh di hot din sya?
Kaloiski: Oo naman.. dami may gusto dun.
DQ: (bored face) Natural.. ka birthday ko eh.
Chop: Wow. Di na kita tutulungan ah? Mukhang kaya mo naman eh.
DQ: Baket kaya walang FOX na hayop sa Chinese Zodiac?
JMANALO: Eh kasi parang hindi naman totoo yun eh. Hindi nila nakikita madalas. Hindi katulad ng RAT o kaya PIG.
Chop: (Nakatingin sa malayo habang nag-iisip ng malalim) Eh taena.. kamusta naman yung DRAGON di ba?

----

JMANALO: Sabi nila sa kulungan daw sa bawat taon na ilalagi mo sa loob, guguhitan daw yung balisong mo sa gilid.
DQ: Huh? Ano yun?
Kaloiski: I beg to disagree. Hindi yan totoo.. nag CRIMINAL LAW ako.
Chop: Pinag aralan nyo ba sa CRIMINAL LAW ang pag ukit sa gilid ng kutsilyo?
Bevs: Talaga? Criminal Law? Eh di alam mo kung ano yung mga parusa sa HOMICIDE, MURDER at kung ano ano pa?
Kaloiski: Oo naman.
Bevs: Ano ba yung ibig sabihin ng kasong HOMICIDE?
Chop:(Seryoso, tanga mode) Di ba yun yung kapag pinatay ka sa loob ng bahay?
JMANALO: Eh ano naman yung pinagkaiba nun MURDER sa HOMICIDE? ng MANSLAUGHTER sa MASSACRE?
Chop: Murder kapag isa lang! Massacre pag madami!!
DQ: Putaena.. (asar) ikaw ba si Kaloi?
Chop: Sorry naman! Bawal ba mag share???

juicy gossips, smack talks and me being the Bitch Dragon.....

DISCLAIMER: I ain't gonna bogart all the juicy chismes. To be perfectly honest, I really dunno where to start. I know its kinda mean to even start this entry but hell I'm so friggin' stressed and bored. Wow.. I have no idea they can actually get to me when I'm alone. I think I'm really freaking out. So for those who never liked profanity, smack talks and the likes.. please don't read this blog entry. You've been warned. I might drop a name too...

Smack Talk 101: Ok, honestly you guys? I don't get you. C girl, how did you manage to pull it all off? You are living with your boyfriend..(you guys met in Friendster).. you have a kid back in the province.. You were like what? Got pregnant at the age of 13? And now you are openly dating in front of my eyes while still living under your boyfriend's roof. Ever heard of MORALE and GMRC? Do they teach that in the province? How do you do it? Lying in upfront with the person who has given you almost anything that you want? And being proud to be tagged as my Co TLs' girlfriend in the office while everyone knows that the guy is living with a GF with their one kid? And hell, he brought you along with his group of friends in Alabang, who are also my fellow co workers. You think he's really proud of you? Well, maybe.. but did it ever occur to you that maybe you have been TAGGED as the MOST QUIET HO in the office? Deadly but quiet. I admire your boldness of having my co worker drive you back and forth in your BF's place.. in front of HIS gate. Kiss him goodbye and all that jazz.

WHY I'M SO MAD: I don't give a flying fuck why you guys sleep around. I honestly don't care if you get knocked up in the process. But girl, show some respect. Don't go all the way down in front of my subordinates. He is my CO-TL for heaven's sake! And you are our subordinate. Be decent. Do it discreetly. At one point what you're doing is a major slap in my face because I'm a big fan of WORK ETCHICS. Ever heard of that? Google it. And don't ever think that we stopped talking about you guys.. the hell everyone is talking about you guys 12 hours a day. WE never stopped.. we just talk behind your back discreetly. Because honestly? Your tackiness is one hell of a stress reliever. Remember the time when my friends and I went out and you tagged along with my CO TL at one of my reps' house? When you were desperately asking to leave with my CO TL coz you guys need to be somewhere else? Are you just too excited that finally you were able to fish a guy who owns a CRV and you can't wait to sit in the passenger seat without even asking one of your bosses to maybe take the passenger seat because, I dunno, maybe it just looks polite and decent that you'll let HIM take the seat because he's your boss and he's the friend of the owner of the CRV in the first place? But no.. you let him take the back seat and you went all the way down in ARUBA holding my co-worker's hand as you whisper, I dunno.. maybe pulpy stuff in his ears? Bitch, I was just around the corner and I can freakin see you guys and you went french kissing at Decades when me and my guy went home. That was a total downhill of the so called WORK ETHICS. Thats the end of the respect that I tried so hard to build for the last 2 years of my life in Cubao.. so I guess from now on moving forward.. We TLs will be tagged as the supervisors who use powers to hook down a rep, huh? Thanks to you guys. You've done it perfectly well. And Kudos to you.. You made Britney Spears looked like a tame sedated monkey.

MY STAND: To my co-worker and friend, Dude.. I know where you're coming from when you said that you are struggling to be happy. But newsflash, this is your fault as much as HERS. I guess maturity is a long way for you huh? I'm not mad that you are sleeping around, thats your problem to face. I was mad because you were indiscreet like hell. If you want to take home a chick.. nobody wants to know that really. Take her home.. F*ck her like crazy but please spare us the details. I'm not saying that you are kiss and telling.. you never really in the first place but people can see, Dude. And they have wild imaginations even the dumbest rep in the office. So please, pull yourself together and clean up the mess.. because your crap makes me feel so dirty too. And everyone else's for the matter.
As for you Country Girl, you've been bold. I like that quality when used for the right reasons. But you need to sort your priorities.. Sleeping around or Excelling at work? And its a myth that City Girls are prostitutes, tell your folks that. Its the country girls who goes to the City that turn out to be hoes, well not all the time,of course there are exceptions, some of them work in a call center, I guess.

This is not my burden to bear. i just feel a big relief, I let it out in the open.

Sorry for being such a big BITCH DRAGON. Just being me.