*on letting go..*

There are number of songs that are just too painful to hear.. just like familiar roads on my way home that hold great memories and pieces of conversation that rekindle the hurt, bitterness,sadness... and anguish that I've been feeling for a period of time. Last year, my heart was breaking whenever I passed by Quirino Avenue along the Depot Store where you will usually catch a heavy traffic jam going to my place. On this road.. sometime last year... the greatest confession of a guy tortured my soul. I dated this guy for about 3 months and I was hell sad when things didn't work out between the two of us. I can never forget that road.. and that guy.

Early this year.. same thing happened. I dreaded taking the route from Libis to Makati. I dated a guy who used to pick me up from work and drive me home after we had breakfast. Things changed and we stopped dating.

Now, don't get me wrong. They are good, charming, witty and good looking guys who have a superb sense of humor. At some point, I wanted to own them.. to be with them.. to give them the chance to love me and at some point, I was convinced that I was ready. But then the greatest realization came over me one day as I was taking the long walk home.. alone. I can never complete a person if I'm broken into thousand pieces. I cannot commit into taking part into someone else's life if I can't even justify my own decisions. I guess, unconsciously, these are my motives why I turned my back to these guys. I was confused.. taken by the current of their indecisiveness.. thrown in a pitch black of nothingness as I wait for the perfect sign to know if they are the right person for me. I was threading the path of WHAT IFs, when I myself can't even figure out the right decisions on my own. (taena.. ang labo noh? pero yun.. yun)

In life.. there are just things that you do and you don't do. Our willingness to do the right things are always driven by our emotions.. by our eagerness to find happiness.. by our desperate acts to belong. And somehow when we are approached by the fruits of certain circumstances that drove us to perform these actions.. we call it a DECISION that we've made. (taena.. mas malabo sya ngayon di ba?? eh baket ko ba kasi to ini explain sa english?? pede naman sa tagalog.. pero sympre.. kunwari deep akong tao.. kaya dapat may ganito.)

So here goes nothing.. I think life is an open road. We meet people and we let go of them. At most, we continue our journey while we bruised ourselves on the way..sometimes it takes time to stand up and sometimes we just give up when the wind knocked us down or when a detour is blocking our way. We usually stop walking..frightened of the dangers that might come ahead when we know that we're supposed to go on.. because somewhere in that open road.. someone is patiently waiting for us to help us take the long way path of uncertainty... destination.. unknown.