Bad Girl no more.

I've seen worst, I whispered to myself on my way home as I patiently wait at the back of the cab. I had a bad day today.. I told P that I felt like the world is conspiring to make my life miserable last night. It was the shittiest day of the week.. far none. Thank God.. I'm not required to render OT today. And thank God for this officemate of mine who kept on sending office correspondence in my outlook that I felt like ricocheting on my seat out of this universe because his letters are so hilarious.. its going to blow your mind. If I was his English teacher, I swear.. I'll beg God to let the earth swallow me and eat my flesh alive. I had one NCNS today and one rep who was late because he thought that the DST was effective today.. some crappy reason that'll just bring the Jack the Ripper in you. Plus the system was so uncooperative... I swear I was on the verge of hauling the pc to the coals.

But anyways.. I'm not going to waste my energy reminiscing all of that shit. I've seen worst..

The only thing that made my day today? A message from an old crush in the workplace. He asked me how I've been doing and all. God, it took me like 15 minutes to compose a decent sentence. I tell you.. I was pretty nervous when I sent him a message days ago and I was scared that he might not write me back. The hell was I thinking anyways?? sending him a hi note out of the blue?? Right now, I'm still thinking that my reply was pretty cheesy and all.. I feel like a complete idiot. i just hope he won't think that I'm checking out on him or something.. I just hope somehow he wouldn't get the idea. But hell, this guy is pretty smart. When was the last time that I went out on a date with a noob anyway??

Someone asked me out today. Some guy I know. Some weird guy. I told him I'm dating someone but then I let him know that he's pretty attractive and all... and If I'm not taken.. I will go out with him in a heartbeat. No bullshit. I don't know if the world turned topsy turvy or something.. because I've been getting invitations from some decent guys that I used to like. And hell yeah, I felt pretty bad ditching these guys.. because at the back of my mind.. I kept on asking myself.. "where you been six months ago?? When I was free and single and lonely??"

You can never justify cheating I guess.. or maybe some people can. But this is how I see it.. there are just deeds that can put you into a deep sort of misery after doing it. And thats something that I don't want to feel. If I can do things like dating other guys (no attachments, whatsoever) while in a relationship, hell that will be fun. But I know that I can't get away with that.. guilt kills me big time. Guilt will always be the death of me. Seeing me in flesh will be a dead give away.

Its normal to gawk at pretty boys. When they talk to me.. I usually smile.. flirt a little.. exit. This is my strategy. When they give me compliments.. I am always polite to return the favor. This is how I'm wired. I dated a lot of guys.. the melodramatic.. the good looking nerds.. the hotties.. the bad boys.. the exquisitely confused guys.. the loners.. the jerks.. the talkers.. the rich.. the middle class.. the smart ones.. the intellectuals... the self confessed losers.. the radicals.. the serious types.. and most of all.. the loyal guys. These guys have one major weakness: EGO. And like most of them, I value my ego as if my whole life depends on it. This is the only card that you don't lay out on the table. If you surrender them, sad.. but you will see your world falling apart in front of you.

To all you girls looking for the right guy in your life.. always remember this: There's no such thing as soul mates or a perfect match. You can't enter someone else's world and expect them to change. Life is dynamic. The constant thing in this world is change. First thing that you need to do is to accept the person that is you. Do not dream of becoming someone else.. this will be your downfall. Do not dream of meeting someone in reality who lives in your dream world. We often fall in love with the "fantasy" which fails us to see the real person in front of us. This can scare potential prospects. Do not over analyze them.. do not expect them to fill up the missing part of your life most of the time. If you depend your happiness to your partner, this will ruin you when they leave. You have to find ways to happiness even when you're alone.. this will make you feel whole. Needy girls always attract disasters.

And the ultimate secret of success to catch a guy : CONFIDENCE. We are not supermodels.. or Audrey Hepburn.. but deep inside.. we always think that we are far more better than them. And this.. ladies and gentleman.. is unbearably sexy. Just don't over do it... or else you'll end up as the girl with a big head. Major NO NO.

its 12:06 in the afternoon and the hell em I doing?? God.. work is turning me to a talking self help book.

I'm definitely ballparked. Should go get some zzzzzzzzzzs.