Of Gossip Girl and Cold Holiday Seasons..

I just finished watching the last episode of Gossip Girl.I'm not much of a fan but the reason why I like the show is simply because of one of its character..Nate. No, I don't like him that much the way I fancy Josh Hartnett or Leonardo Di Caprio.. they're all different stories. I'll blog about it some other time.

See, the reason why I'm so drawn with this character is because I am so much like him. I know, I know I should have seen myself to at least one of the show's hot girls.. but thats just the way things are I guess. Ganun talaga. I just simply thinks that the closest character to me is Nate. I just realized it when I decided to view an ex's blog that I have found in the net ages ago and have kept it a secret from him. Anyways, we don't talk anymore so I guess I'm off the hook for real. Recently, I found out that he's hanging out with some great girl and for some weird reason, I felt really happy for someone for the first time in a long time. This guy has always been great to me and its about time that he finds someone he deserves. I guess thats one common ground that the character and I share. We like too many people. We act on our feelings with so much intense and passion but we are always ready to let go of them when they ask us to. Without a fight. And then just like waking up in the morning.. we move on automatically like clockwork. We tend to always weigh things and rationalize and we always end up doing the right things, no matter how much pain it can cause. We believe that its pain never really goes away.. it just gets easier as time flies. We live. We laugh. We love. We cry and do the same thing over and over again. We go on with the different phases in our lives without a care in the world but always ready to face the unfamiliar.. yeah that's Nate.. and that's me.

I have been feeling a little weird lately.. maybe because of the weather. See, the closest thing that we can get to experience winter season is the usual chilly december nights.. its so freaking cold. Why does it have to be really cold during holiday seasons? Maybe, God or some higher being wants us to realize that its time to share our warmth with the people that we love. People that are important.. people thats always been there.

I have been feeling a little nostalgic these past days, I must admit but that it didn't help me to realize that I'm still living in the reality. Maybe feeling a little mushy is just a phase..especially during holidays.

I am in good terms with Paolo now. The ex that has been a burden for the last 2 years of my life. We are talking now.. my theory is that I am sure that we are both over with each other and that friendship comes naturally I guess. All the dramas subsided and we got nothing left to share but to appreciate how great we are as friends. I have realized that I am finally ready to start a friendship without weird expectations and that nothing can ever hurt me again while I share this with Paolo. There's a mutual sign that says he feels the same way.. and thats a great thing. I am happy to reach this state and I am happier that I'm with someone really great as Alex.

What great realizations as the year ends... I look forward on living my life better for 2009. This year is ending and it will never come back again.. I am grateful for all the experiences and lessons gained.

Thank you, 2008. You will be missed.

Nagbabalik... DRAMA QUEEN.

Ang tagal kong nawala.. pero wala pa rin nagbabago.

Ako ay BUSY. OO, busy. Walang internet sa kabilang buhay.. kaya hindi nakapag blog ng matagal.

Pero eto na ko ngayon..

Naniniwala na ako sa mga bagay na akala ko ay walang kwenta dati.. katulad ng prediction ni Nostradamus na magkakaroon ng isang black president ang US..

2. Magmumukha kang ULINGLING kapag nagsuot ka ng neon pink, shocking orange at neon green na kulay kapag balat muro-ami ka.

3. Naniniwala akong romantiko pala ang mga intsik matapos akong makapanood ng mga taiwanese dramas gaya ng WHY WHY LOVE, DEVIL BESIDE YOU, HANA KIMI at kung ano ano pang chinovela na ipinalalabas nila sa Channel 2 at 7. Akala ko ay talagang business minded lang sila. Magba blog ako tungkol dito pero etong piece muna na to ang aasikasuhin ko.

4. Naniniwala din akong mas malakas ang appeal ng isang tao kung ang mukha nya ay kasing puti ng mukha ni POWDER. (Ex. Edward Cullen ng Twilight Saga, hit na hit ang promotion ng pelikula kahit na mababaw ang istorya at walang substance.. at mukhang nakipagdigma sa GIANT arina ang mga bida)

5. May mga multong made in Japan kagaya ng bayolenteng multo sa 2nd floor washroom ng office ko na pinangalanan naming ATSI. Akala ko kasi dati mahilig lang silang magparamdam.

6. Ang halloween party ay madalas sinasamantala ng mga bading na matagal ng nagpupuyos ang damdamin na gumet-up ala PARIS HILTON, BEYONCE KNOWLES, centaur, DYOSA, EFFIE WHITE ng Dreamgirls at kung sino sino pang celebrity na kapag ginaya mong magdamit sa regular na araw ay kukuyugin ka ng mga holdaper, exhibitionists at mga pulis.

7. Na walang nagagawa ang friendster, tagged, my space, facebook at kung ano pang mga anik anik, kundi ang pasamain ang loob mo sa tuwing makikita mong mas successful ang buhay ng uhugin mong classmates kesa sa yo.. at mayaman na ang pinakatanga mong kamag aral dahil nakapag asawa ng amerikanong kasing laki ni Triple H.

8. Na may mga taong kakausapin at makikipag kwentuhan sa 'yo para makalibre ng yosi, lighter, kape at candy.

9. Na kahit ilang 4-G, Myra-E, Extraderm, Belo products, Fit and Right,at malunggay capsules ang laklakin ng isang babae ay hinding hindi sila magiging kamukha ni Bea Alonso,Eula Valdez, Kristine Hermosa, Mariel at kung sino sino pang mga endorsers. Nag try yung isang friend ko na mag take ng 4-G capsules ng 3 buwan at ang resulta ay naging kamukha nya si Malou De Guzman aka "Dugong" ng teleseryeng Marina.

10. Na talagang hugis polar bear yung dati kong dine date. Ayaw ko pang maniwala dati pero nung nakita ko sya ulet.. napa atras ako at muntik malulon ang sigarilyong niyoyosi dahil totoo ngang.. isa syang MAAAAAANSTERRRRRRRRRRR size. Pero naisip ko baka naman talagang chubby lang sya dati...sabi ko naman sa inyo, mahilig talaga ako sa matatalino. Mabigat din ang utak nun..pero hindi nya ko pinansin at hindi ako nagtangkang lumapit dahil baka bigla nya akong dambahin at lulunin ng buong buo.. mukha syang kumakain ng mga bata..hindi sanggol kundi mga grade 4 students.

Ayan.. nagbalik na ko... handami ko pa lang na realize nung mga sandaling nagbabakasyon ako sa kabilang buhay.

Happy Day, people!! :)

The irony of E61

I received a couple of text messages Saturday night. Messages from friends who were all having a good time while I'm stuck attending some family reunion that happens almost every month.

I can't remember the time. What's been running at the back of my head is the desperate feeling of retiring to bed. I really want to go home. But then again, its this simple obligation and commitment that makes everything worth your while.. so they say.. blah blah.. blah.Whatever that means.

I dragged my lazy butt to the girl's washroom while everyone is waiting for me outside the hotel. Best moment of my life. I sighed and whispered to myself.

I was slowly taking my time walking in the hallway. And then I saw him. He was wearing a dark blue shirt and faded denim. I stopped for a while to look at him and he smiled.

From that moment, I felt that the world stopped. He said HI. I didn''t move. Dumbstruck. Disoriented. And I really wished that I look really good in that black dress.

"Hi," I said and smiled back. And for some weird reason as if I was possessed by some idiopathic entity, I muttered in a barely audible voice, "Hi, Piolo. I love you."

He chuckled as if its a normal thing to hear. I froze. And a bunch of screaming staff enveloped him.

I stood there while they take pictures of him.

Until finally, the soft spoken gentle mannered PA asked me.. "Miss, magpapa picture ka rin?"

I looked at my cellphone and I felt that the wrold starts revolving crazily around me. How in Julie Andrew's name did I buy a phone with no camera?????? What was I thinking??

I looked at his kind face and smiled. "No. My phone picture resistant." I felt like crying.

And then after the pictorial.. he walked at our side and asked. "What's wrong?"

"Poor girl, her phone doesn't have camera.."

GOD. KILL ME NOW...

He looked at me again and smiled. And it all happened in a span of a moment... his cheeks touching mine.

"Nice dress," he whispered, "you take care.'

And they both walked away... leaving me in between ecstasy and madness.

GOD. I CAN DIE NOW.....

the interview

Is it true that you are leaving your previous post?

I have plans at the moment but they are somehow blurry. I'm job hunting, honestly, but the truth is I'm still undecided if I'm going to leave this call center for another one. The solid plan is to take the FSO next year because I feel that I'm really not supposed to be working in a call center. Yeah, people can tell that I have great leadership skills and the pay is somewhat great compared to other day jobs but the thing is.. my passion is with diplomacy and thats something that I should have pursued in the first place but instead I'm stuck here in the call center industry with lots of good looking friends and highly expensive gadgets that I can buy on my whim..but if you ask me if I'm satisfied? Hell no.

Your thoughts in passing the examination?

Geez, really.. I don't know if I can. But its not the freaking bar exam where in you study for the next eight years and all that jazz. I hope I can nail it, really but if not.. there's another year to take it anyway.

Did you get upset that you didn't get the OM post?

Yes and no. I was upset because a lot of people in the panel expected a lot from me and they were very dissapointed when I didn't land the job. But hell! I was the acting OM for almost a year and my rival is a training manager for god knows how long. Judging from the maturity level.. god, she's freakin 35 years old and I'm on my late twenties. Ponder that.

But will you apply again for the same post some time this year?

Yeah. There's no harm in trying. I really think that I'm competetive.

How's the new 29 inch flat screen TV?

AwESoMe!!!!!!! I called in sick the other day to play PS2 the whole day! I didn't even notice that my shift ended!

Is it true that you were dating while with someone?

NO. Hell no. I am just born well mixed thats all. People always think that I'm associated with the next hot guy in the corner but honestly.. they are just really fond of a hot geek like me. Hahahahaha. No kidding.

Your reaction when people say that you are mistreating your reps?

I have never in my entire life mistreated a person. Sure, I'm a bully at times but it comes with boundaries. I don't go overboard with people that I think are very sensitive. I guess I'm just really a straight forward person with no bull.. and a cutthroat at all times.. and people always misunderstood me.

Your plans on settling down?

Yeah.. the hot fiance and I have plans but not in the next 2 years. The plan is to get married in the US and start a family there. I'm not sure if I'll ever get a grand wedding ceremony. The idea gives me goosebumps from time to time.

*an excerpt from the interview that I gave in the local newspaper. Guess what that is...

Usapang Lasing

C: Eh baket ba gumagawa pa ng movies yan si M.Night Shymalan eh sobrang boring naman ng mga movies nya.. except for Sixth Sense I guess.. medyo ok yun.
DQ: Ano ka ba.. sa lahat kaya ng ginawa nyang movies.. Sixth Sense ang may pinakamababaw na substance. Click lang yun film kasi nakakatakot..
C: Weh.. substance substance ka pa dyan..ambaduy baduy nga ng Lady in the Water eh..
DQ: Engot! Palibhasa kasi hindi ka marunong magbasa ng metaphors eh.. asteg kaya yun.
C: Lul.. wag ka nga pa deep..
B: O sige nga.. kung magaling ka sa metaphor.. anong metaphor ang sini symbolize ng mga aliens ni Shymalan sa THE SIGNS?? Sige nga??!
DQ: Something strange and unfamiliar in our lives that we refused to connect with.. yung mga bagay na hindi natin kayang tanggapin dahil hindi natin kayang ipaliwanag.. yung mga pagkakataon na kinatatakutan nating harapin pero hinaharap pa rin ng buong tapang kahit na hindi natin alam kung anong....
C: Weeeeeeeeeeh.. wag ka na. Nag iimbento ka na naman eh.. Eh yung mga multo sa THE SIXTH SENSE.. anong metaphor nun..sige nga kung mahusay ka..
DQ: Taena nyo.. niloloko nyo ba ko?
B: Di ah.. galing mo nga eh. Naiisip ko tuloy kung meron talagang mga natatagong metaphors sa mga movies na napapanood ko.. katulad ng...(matagal na katahimikan)...
DQ: Ng ano???
C: Alvin and the Chipmunks...
B: HAHAHAHHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHHA... alam ko pwre.. alam ko metaphor nun.
C: HAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHA.. yung mga chipmunks ba yung sumisimbolo sa isang pulutong ng mga makukulit na unano??
B and C: HAHHAHAHHAHHAHAHHAHAH.. Nice one, pare. Ang galing mo!!
C: Pero hindi hindi tsong.. yung mga chipmunks yung sumisimbolo nung mga babaeng boses pekpek pero adorable naman.. kaya lang clingy saka nakakainis na minsan yung pagka sweet. Hassle mga yun...
B: Ang galing mo tsong! Anong hiwaga ba ang meron sa San Mig Light at talagang napapaisip tayo ng ganito kalupit? Akalain mong nabigyan mo ng metaphor sina Alvin, Simon at Theodore?? Angas ka!!
DQ: Putangina nyo!! Kayo magbayad ng beer nyo.. letse!
C: Hey teka, pretty! Meron pa kaming naisip.. bibigyan daw ni B ng metaphor yung Shark's Tale! saka Finding Nemo.. bibigyan namin ng metaphor si Nemo!! Wui.. wag kang umalis!!
DQ; Taena nyo.. ang tatanda nyo na nanunuod pa rin kayo ng pambatang flicks. Letse aalis na ko.
B: Si Dora.. anong palagay mo kay Dora?
C: Tsong Teodora ba ang totoong pangalan ni Dora?
B: Huh? bakit Teodora??
C: Kasi yung opening.. Tsu.. Tsu.. Tsu.. Tsu.. Tsu--doraaaa.. yung opening nung jingle song sa umpisa..
B: Di ko alam eh.. pero ano bang klaseng unggoy si Boots? Bakit mas maputi pa sya kay Dora??

And so on.. an so forth.. haaaaaaaaay...

I have so many things in my head today.. I guess things will be like this for the next couple of days until I'm done with the interview. I am again.. wanting to land a job that I feel like I'm not going to get but I'll take the risk anyways so that I won't wake up anytime soon and wonder what could have been.. if you know what I mean.

Plus.. i think I hurt someone. You know all that things you do for someone and that someone interprets it as something else. Yeah. all that hassles. Worst thing is..I HAVE TO EXPLAIN. And its not even my interview yet.

Oh God.. I hope its a good week ahead.

Please.

Hindi ako naniniwala sa kulam, barang at iba pang mga bagay na hindi maipaliwanag ng siyensya... hanggang sa magising ako isang araw at mapansin sa salamin na nginitian ako ng isa kong tighiyawat. Taenang mga tigyawat to.. parang may sariling utak. Para lang sila yung mga bibong kamatis sa ATTACK OF THE KILLER TOMATOES. Nagsasalita.. nagbibigay ng opinyon.. nagrereklamo sa tuwing pinapansin ng mga taong mahilig mamintas. At higit sa lahat.. pumipila sa isang kakaibang formation. Nung isang linggo lang nakasalansan sila sa aking kaliwang pisngi at bumuo ng letrang J. At nang matapos sila sa kabilang pisngi ay lumipat sila sa kanan at pumila na parang number 7 lang. Sinasabi ko sa inyo... may utak yung mga pimples ko.

Wala sa lahi namin ang pimpulin. Hindi rin ako tinighiyawat nung teenager pa ko.. hindi kahit kelan. Ngayon lang. Sana ay binalaan man lang ako ng aking lolo na kapag tinighiyawat pala ang isa sa mga lahi namin ay talaga namang malala. Grabe. Agaw pansin. Muntik ko ngang sampalin yung isang kaibigan ko na seryosong nagtanong kung kagagaling ko lang daw sa bulutong. Wala na lang akong nagawa kundi halos mapaiyak at ipagdasal na sana ay maging isang pesteng kurikong sya sa kanyang next life.

Sino ba naman ang hindi maco conscious kapag tinubuan ka ng pimple na parang puputok sa tuwing magtataas ka ng boses? Halos isang buwan din akong nanalangin na sana ay huwag kong makita ang crush ko sa hallway dahil baka bigla na lang akong gumawa ng eksena at pumutok lahat ng pimples ko sa sobrang kilig. Ilang araw na akong naglalakad ng nakayuko. Ngayon alam ko na kung anong feeling nung mga babaeng nasa commercial at nagsasabing.. "Oh no! Ang laki ng pimple kooooooooooo..."

Lahat na nasubukan ko.. pero ang sabi ng dakila kong dermatologist ay dala lang daw sa stress ang pimple break out ko. Subukan ko raw mag isip ng mga bagay na relaxing at huwag daw akong gagamit ng press powder na nagsu suppress ng oil sa mukha. Nata trap daw kasi yung oil at nagiging pimple.

Eh puta... kelan pa kaya mawawala to?

Hindi kaya.. nagsisimula na??? Baka isa itong pangitain...

Sa aking isang malupit na transformation....

TAENA.... AYOKONG MAGING PIMPOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!