a piece of last year

This happened some time last year. This is from my other blog. It made me smile today..

old fragments of a not so old-october-affair

Sep 26, '07 9:49 PM for everyone

I know for a fact that its not the coldness that provoked me that October night to share your warmth. Mainly because I felt really alone and.. well maybe.. a bit lost. Disconnected from everything. Lord knows that I tried my bestest to dodge you but then again.. you caught me on my weakest moment. The next morning after we kissed, a friend of us noticed the glow in our eyes. To tell you the truth, I was a bit anxious that our first kiss happened in the wee hours of the morning of Friday the 13th. But then again.. happiness can pretty much lead you to distraction. At that point of time.. I just felt so alive. Corny.. yeah. But honest.

So we talked. There was a plan that night that we will hang out with friends. You said that you want to spend our alone time together but I pretended that I didn't hear that. Yeah.. although I can't really wait to be alone with you.. because you're so damn hot.. there was this thought at the back of my mind that I shouldn't hang out with you yet. Maybe I was afraid that I might do something stupid and you'll lose interest of me. You know.. the USUAL GIRL STUFF.

I hope you still remember those nights when we secretly hold hands underneath the table. Yeah.. we're pretty desperate to keep it discreet, huh? But then again.. nothing lasts forever. At some point.. we both know that our friends noticed us...the extra sweetness.. the extra togetherness... all the super extras between the two of us.

I came across the old text message. It says : I want to keep it and take care of it as long as I can. I don't want this to end yet. You are the only good thing that's happening to me, pretty.

And for what its worth... I didn't let go. Until I had to. Its something that we both agreed to do.

Remember the time when I was saying goodbye.. you smiled at me and whispered... I'll see you soon. There was an invisible pinch in my chest.. seeing you go while you said that. Like you, I never wanted it to end but then again I know its not the right time to stand up for it. We both know that we have other things to do. Other goals to accomplish...way bigger than the two of us. I said it a lot of times.. that love is just a state of mind. Yeah.. love didn't happen between the two of us. There was passion and understanding and longingness. Way... way.. cooler than love. And that.. hey you.. that is how we ended our time together. It was really worth my while.

Happy birthday. Your memories cheer me up.. during my darkest times.

-excerpt from the Diary of The Drama Queen

Drama..presents...

*This is a repost from my other blog. Yeah.. my other blog is pretty melodramatic. I have no compelling feeling.. nothing at all.. to put you all into that. This was written sometime March this year.. reading it makes me feel proud of myself. And a bit of an idiot and self centered too.

Read on. Its pretty boring.. but I guess you get the picture.

so.. are you worth it?

Why do people always want to be a part of something forbidden? Is it a choice? Is it the thrill of the chase? The euphoric feeling that you touched something untouchable. That you took part on why someone's life is miserable. You are a part of the mess. The kind of mess that feels good. The one that uplifts your ego, you feel so damn happy that someone chose you over someone. You tell your friends about it and they were all staring at you in awe. Hey, I won. I'm an exquisite human being, you tell yourself every 2 seconds while you take that long walk home.

so after winning whats the next fucking thing to do? the thrill is not there anymore. The chase was over. Where do human beings go from here? I know some people who walked away from it.. i know others who stayed for the most stupid reasons. Is it an evil side of what we call human nature? i see it happening even to the clergy and the reserved. Do we always have to act on it? Or are we just some part of the fucked up cycle where God plays absolute and we are his pathetic little guinea pigs? At the end of the day, whats in there? Do we feel fullfilled? Or we wake up and say to ourselves..'hey, things just happened.. "

so are you worth it? Coz I'm betraying someone else's trust right now. My close friend. The friend that was always there when I had no one. She cries most of the time because of you and I sat there listening and comforting her.. while I linger on the thought that we might be together soon. So.. did you tell her yet? The girl you said was great.. the one that you've been with for a couple of years? Do you think I'm worth it.. when you claimed that everything's perfect for the two of you.

Who's going to walk away first? Is it you or me? Because I don't know how. i know I'm better off without you.. and I have a feeling that we're thinking of the same thing. Its such a dreadful feeling to decide because in the scenario that we're in.. its a choice between you, my friend and myself. i know I can cure myself when I get hurt.. I can always move on. I think you're great.. but I love her. And you know I can offer so much more..its just that you caught me in a really bad time. I'm sorry. I really am. i can't stay on this mess any longer. Its just not worth it. We're not worth it.

Posted by -:- Ice Queen -:- at 1:46:00 PM 0 comments