teka lang naman...

I woke up this morning and I realized that I've acted like a complete noob last night. The hell was I thinking?? I honestly feel like what I did last night was completely uncalled for.

I drunk message someone. And hell.. I'm telling you.. hell talaga.

I went out with this guy seven months ago. Things didn't work out the way we wanted it to be. But other than that, everything that happened between the two of us were pretty great naman. No regrets whatsoever. Medyo malabo nga lang yung closure between the two of us. This made me wonder most of the time.. galit kaya sya sa ken kaya nag iiwasan kami? Meron kaya syang narinig na mga tsismis that gave him the impression na parang nag kiss and tell ako?? I'm sure you guys.. know where I'm coming from. If you were able to spend time with a great person.. I'm sure at some point when things like this happens, its compelling to clear out your name. I'm not good with confrontations.. and I'm really not that type of person to carelessly go out in the open to start the drama. For the first time in my life.. I was clueless. And hell, I want to break the ice between the two of us because the thought of having someone holding grudges on you..really freaks me out. I don't want to make the first move.. honestly.

But sooner or later.. I know I had to stop feeling like this when I see him near. And once in for all.. I really want to end it. To put a stop.. to whatever this is and have peace na.

So I gathered every inch of confidence left in me and confronted the guy. It was pretty ballsy, my friend told me. But hell, I don't care anymore what other people might think about me. Its just that I felt so uncomfortable conversing with him because my pride is killing me while explaining my side. I felt like I really don't need to explain or something.. but for the sake of closure.. to make it easier for both of us.. at this point of time..I chose to sacrifice my pride. I hope this will never happen again. I'm not proud of the things that I have done in the past.. but sometimes I have to be the hurtee. Now I know what it feels like to be in the situation. I told him that what I'm sorry for putting him through all of this and that I want us to move on with our lives and look at what we had as a learning experience so that we can be a better person in the present.

I really hope that I didn't sound cheap or easy. But this is the only way out.. I have to face it and be true. I have to deal with my own mess.. stand up and move on. At some point.. I really owe him an explanation.

God, my pride is really killing me. But it was worth it to let yourself out in the open and humbly accept the fact that I cannot always win battles.. you have to lose to gain some. To admit to yourself that life doesn't always veer in directions where you want it to end.. to begin or to stop.. at some point when you reached a stop sign.. you have to take a detour. Every experience.. every moment.. is just worthwhile.

Ah.. finally. The calm after the storm.